Day Two - Ask why

I once worked for a company where all problems were solved by asking "why" five times. Given how effective this technique was, I thought it a great place to start this journey, no matter how crazy your dating/love life has been. I know my rebound dating antics are hard to beat...for instance, the day of my divorce in court, I witnessed the disastrous end of my five-year marriage. That night? I went out on a date! I kid you not. I'm not proud of my insane behavior, but am thrilled to be making a change.

So here's my stab at the five why's...

1.Why do I run from one relationship to another without giving myself time to process it all?
Because after a breakup, I'm desperately afraid of being by myself.

2.Why am I desperately afraid of being myself?
Because I hate my post-break up behavior: beating myself up over mistakes I've made and time wasted, locking myself up in my room with my iPod sad song playlist, which includes such upbeat crowd pleasers such as "Everybody Hurts," by R.E.M., "Goodbye my Lover," by James Blunt, and every sad Toni Braxton song you can think of, all with uplifting messages such as "I will never breathe again" and "unbreak my heart."

3. Why do I engage in such post-break up behavior?
Because I'm hurting.

4. Why am I hurting?
Because every free minute is spent obsessing over the chronological details of the relationship. Not to mention, I miss the bastard (whomever he may be at that moment!) I'm also scared.

5. Why am I scared?
Because I don't want to be alone.

And there you have it. I jump into relationships immediately after a breakup, because I'm afraid to be alone with my thoughts and dating gives me something to do. It's a distraction, really. Because instead of obsessing over the past, I busy myself with getting to know "the new guy." The problem? I never give myself time to heal or learn from mistakes I've made, which increases my chances of making the same mistakes over and over and over again.

Well, that was less painful than I thought it was going to be! You should try it.